Okay, the first thing I discovered is that posing for photos is a nightmare. I had to get a couple of shots done last week and found it almost impossible to do the one thing the photographer asked: “Smile.” Now before you say anything, I love to smile, yet I can’t do it when someone tells me to; it has to be natural. “Just a simple smile,” he added. I obliged around two seconds later after I told him to shove the camera up his arrogant a**.
Another nugget of knowledge I acquired is that getting old messes up your sports life. It really sucks when the 93 year old referee is able to outpace you on the soccer field. Of course, to compensate for your weakening powers, you can always burn your teammates’ ears with tales about how good you used to be when you were younger; but that only gets you so far. “For crying out loud, you told me this 5 times already today old man. P*** off and bother someone else,” they say.
The third thing I learned in April is that a traditional, non-geeky, fleshy type of friend is more valuable than an online one. True, Facebook fanatics, Twitter tongues and even Google Plus plonkers have their uses; but I prefer a mate who’s willing to call me names to my face. “You backstabber” and “You piece of sh**” sound much more pleasant than a Twitter “#” or a Facebook “Like,” don’t they? And getting gifts offline is more fun, too. I mean, what can we do with those crappy online presents we get such as a Facebook beer? I’d rather drink toilet muck with George Michael. Actually on second thoughts...
How about you? Did you learn anything interesting about yourself?